I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
