someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize