I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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