you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
