no, he came in my armpit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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