she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
