he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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