Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
