checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
