Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
