Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
