just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
