I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
