You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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