70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
