don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
