I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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