Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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