kristin has been a bad kristin
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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