are you still at the devil's house?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
