I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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