he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
