It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office