Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
