U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.