ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men