apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs