he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry about my life...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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