Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
