so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
