so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
