hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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