That's when you crack a 10am beer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
