Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
