So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The air was thick with penises
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
