She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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