I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
