He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
