My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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