I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
