genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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