I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize