Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
