i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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