Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

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(914): View more from New York

She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

Fav 19 2252 6742
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(630): View more from Illinois

As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

Fav 7 2155 1208
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(614): View more from Ohio

God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

Fav 9 1985 999
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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(705): View more from Ontario

She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.

Fav 11 4184 1038
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.

Fav 10 1833 1171
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(515): View more from Iowa

If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.

Fav 6 1094 692
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(309): View more from Illinois

Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool

Fav 1 210 168
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(734): View more from Michigan

Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.

Fav 1 4 24
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