i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.