i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.