she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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