shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
