I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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