he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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