Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?