Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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