I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
