True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor