Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.