Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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