hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
