look no pants
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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