I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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