who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
