I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
