if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We’re leaving where are you
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