When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
