hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
