Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i think my cat just said my name.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
