the condom got lost in my hair
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
