So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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