I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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