It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
