where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
