If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
