We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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