I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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