if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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